HOW TO PLAY PETANQUE LIKE A FRENCHMAN

1. Order a Pastis.

2. Select three balls, give your opponent the other three.

3. Throw the little ball. (Cochonnet; the little pig)

4. Each player throws a ball (feet together) attempting to get as close as possible to the Cochonnet.

5. Player whose ball is NOT closest continues to throw.

6. After all six balls are thrown, a round is complete. The player with the ball closest to the Cochonnet is declared the winner of the round. He receives one point for each ball closer than the opponent's. (e.g. if each ball is closer than each of his opponent's he would receive 3 total points -- one for each ball. Or, if he has the closest ball and then his opponent's three are next, he would receive only one point.) No points are awarded to the rounds loser.

7. Play continues with winning player throwing "the pig" for each subsequent round until the first player (a) reaches 13 points (b) falls down drunk, or (c) complains about American unilateralism.

Our staff is available to settle disputes, provide copies of the official rules, and offer additional libations.