How to play Croquet like an English man
- Order a Pimms Cup.
- Remark superciliously that "Six Wicket Croquet is really an American game."
- There are two teams, one player and one ball. Order of play is order of colors on wicket.
- Each Player/Team takes turn going through course as follows: You have the choice of advancing your ball, or knocking the crap out of your opponent's. Each round is one shot. However, you are awarded an immediate extra shot for every wicket you pass through.
The game ends when the first Player/Team either
(a) passes twice through all 6 wickets
(b) orders a third Pimms Cup or,
(c) complains about the quality of American theater.
Our staff is available to settle disputes, provide copies of the official rules, and offer additional libations.
We know it's very Zen to "challenge only oneself" — no judgements. But sometimes you just feel like, well like it'd be nice to have the other guy eat your dust.
For this reason we have — in addition to our regulation Petanque Courts, and one non-regulation Croquet field — four terre battu (red clay) tennis courts. Lessons, and matches with guests of similar skill can be arranged. Advance reservations are recommended for court times. Two of our courts are lit, and we have an on-staff tennis pro to meet your lesson needs.
How to play Petanque like a Frenchman
- Order a Pastis.
- Select three balls, give your opponent the other three.
- Throw the little ball. (Cochonnet; the little pig)
- Each player throws a ball (feet together) attempting to get as close as possible to the Cochonnet.
- Player whose ball is NOT closest continues to throw.
- After all six balls are thrown, a round is complete. The player with the ball closest to the Cochonnet is declared the winner of the round. He receives one point for each ball closer than the opponent's. (e.g. if each ball is closer than each of his opponent's he would receive 3 total points — one for each ball. Or, if he has the closest ball and then his opponent's three are next, he would receive only one point.) No points are awarded to the rounds loser.
- Play continues with winning player throwing "the pig" for each subsequent round until the first player (a) reaches 13 points (b) falls down drunk, or (c) complains about American unilateralism.